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Madam // & Now

from star, star by mingjia

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lyrics

i’ll save the words i’ve always spent
i loved you & i love you now
perhaps not in the way we mean’t
but anyhow here now’s the outcome

madam i can’t remember
the last time we’ve both been so tired
& the velvet upholstery’s growing hold
& your touch has never felt so cold

& i know i’d best be on my way
but i’d feel less badly if i stayed
we are masters of procrastination
so let’s give in to this nostalgic sensation

where all is now & time can wait
til real life piles up on your plate
for to love a way so cumbersome’s
best digested with a shot of rumMMMMmm—

—madam i know, you’re doing your best,
to not remark on this crazy mess
i heard “erratic” as “erotic”
so i’ve stuffed all my prudence in your pockets

i’ve still eyes to spy & a nose to smell
& ears to hear your fender swell
but it’s that that my head can’t forget
so maybe it does its job too well

& sometimes i feel like giving up
cause my reason’s retired & my desire’s not brave enough
so my body becomes battle ground
for where to plant the thorned crown

cause my left side likes it rough, my right side likes it tender
my eyes want buff, while my hands want slender
my pride just wants me treated right
while my hips just want to be pushed against at night

& there’s something true
in how you lie & i cry
& we both buy it

if you’re so upright, why do
your eyes make it hard for me
to keep my self respect?

theres one pair of shoes at the door
& they belong to me
& i feel mostly good & grown up
but don’t mean i don’t miss your company

now i’ve sold my gold for this modus vivendi
if solitude’s gonna mend me
but freedom’s still a mystery
& freedom is a myth to me

even if with years we get more bitter
just like our aging taste for liquor
i see the sweetness in the end
i’ve got lots to learn til then

i just wish that you weren’t so far away

credits

from star, star, released November 17, 2023

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mingjia Toronto, Ontario

is it true??????

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